I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
