There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
