I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
