Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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