if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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