Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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