fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my liver is dry heaving
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
