It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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