I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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