my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
