You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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