My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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