You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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