It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
