i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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