Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
please don't ironically join a cult
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