I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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