I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
