just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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