you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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