Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
