Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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