The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
