one might say we're banned from that church
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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