Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
