Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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