I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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