I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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