She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
