Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
