i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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