Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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