I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
