I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
