lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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