Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
