Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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