Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
