it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
