And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
