We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
