Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
