haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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