remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
