Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
