So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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