You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Less talking, more tequila
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
