I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
