The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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