Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
