jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
