i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
