i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
