She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
