thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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