I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
