There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
