forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
