I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
