first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
