I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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