this boner is exhausting
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
