You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
