Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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